Examples of negotiating the self

Example 1:

Many years years ago, I was having a fierce argument (I don't remember about what) with a friend. We were eating spaghetti with group of about a dozen friends, most of whom were listening in on the discussion. I got the upper hand in the argument, and was on the verge of winning easily, when my friend (and opponent in the argument) stopped and stated simply: "Bob, you have a noodle on your glasses." Unfortunately for me, he was right (it was not a big noodle, but still...). I did not so much lose the argument as that the argument was lost in the hilarity of the moment. While concentrating on successfully negotiating the argument, I had failed to negotiate my status as someone to be taken seriously in an argument. Our negotiations are built on one another, and failing at a lower level inevitably brings down all the higher levels with it.

Example 2:

In November of 2012, I was at a conference where a speaker was presenting a lecture in honor of a deceased scholar. The speaker began with a few personal anecdotes, as he had known the deceased as a friend as well as a colleague. We all expected that after a few of these informal reminisces, the speaker would get to the substance of his remarks. But the stories kept on coming, and after about 10 minutes, a friend I was sitting with leaned over and whispered, "uh-oh, he doesn't have a paper." What do you imagine happened in that moment? How do our expectations guide our determination of what Goffman calls "the deference image of others" ?

Example 3:

I expect that whether or not I convince you of the arguments I make for this course content (about connectedness and negotiation), most of you will take me seriously as someone who has the legitimate status of a presenter/instructor for a course such as this one. You have even had a chance to meet me briefly online via videos and still pictures, and I trust these images fit adequately with what you might expect from a "professor." But what if I were to come before you looking like the picture below (adjusted for age)? In fact, it may be a challenge for some people to take Dr. Sapolsky seriously for similar reasons:  https://map.bloomfire.com/posts/569694